After a long time…
My vocab isn’t what it used to be and neither is my decision making but after the longest time coming I am now freer then I’ve ever been before, why?
I took down my pride and joy because I felt under pressure from everything at the time, I had moved out at the young tender age of 18 and lived with what is finally my ex boyfriend until just before I removed my first baby from the internet. I had technically purchased my first house and lived in flat on the ground floor, it had a concrete garden and crumble worthy driveway but it took some getting used to. First thing I didn’t like were the noise from the neighbors, music didn’t make me feel as though it was a joyous occasion so immediately I felt disconnected to my surroundings and relied on my own self sustenance to keep me busy to be honest. The space gave a late 1970’s vibe and the layout was favorable, but compared to what was on the market for the same price at the time it was a remarkable bargain.
Unfortunately for me, I didn’t have support from family and friends and instead felt bullied into removing my website from the internet for some reason and reversing on all my decisions even to do with the stay in my new place.
I everything was gong in one directions, so like a normally do. I WENT THE OTHER WAY.
At the time I remember thinking if I can just hang in there, all the fundamental things I was working for would be worthwhile. It was.
6 years later….
Everything I own is portable. Literally. I can carry ‘or roll’ everything I own. I did feel like I needed to expand on my spiritual growth but didn’t acknowledge that I was actually doing it if that makes sense. I built what felt like a small empire and left it all for the dustbin. What I have here means more to me then what I built., I can’t define why but I know that it comes from a place or pure and adulterated creations. With a framework to encourage and create progress inline with my genie wishes and leaves me feeling contented. In the 4 walls were all my belongings ‘weren’t safe’
I would often feel isolated, stressed and vulnerable. Being harassed till this day has ever changed. Eventually it became apparent that without TRULY supportive people around you all the love in the world could still require you to feel lonely. Once again so many outside influences that are not coming from a tender place leave you thinking that either the things you do are not enough or enough is really not enough, I was never feeling complete. People will do what the want to do and the luxury we have is what we built but essentially what we can sustain and manage ourselves, forcing a situation that leaves you uncomfortable is my favorite word ‘stockholming’ pushing something that doesn’t want to be pushed.
At this stage flow with that only makes you feel fulfilled. You really have no time for anything else.
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@honeydewdrop01
Every little helps =]
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